I know, I've been very absent lately. First, thank you to anyone who sent me an encouraging word or even noticed I was gone...it does help me out of my slump and is greatly appreciated! I thought, since I've been gone for a bit, I'd share some photos from July, it was a busy month...
and according to my camera, it was spent mostly with these little faces...
There were a lot of rough moments for me this month. I lost my temper a lot more than I should have, I was a Negative Nancy on more than one occasion and I felt defeated as a wife. I found myself struggling to make time for just my husband and I, our hours for alone time became between 10 pm and midnight but most nights we only had the energy to watch the evening news. I quickly lost my attitude of grace, getting on his case for little things, big things, medium things...anything really. I was starving for his attention, but didn't speak up. I fought with him instead of loving him, and did it in a way I told myself I never would. Let me rewind, I love my husband and couldn't imagine life without him, I'm opening up right now because I have found in my experience that a veil of shame is sometimes placed over trouble in marriages. I am not ashamed. In fact, I feel like the troubles we are going through are real and just and in need of a a healer...the only true successful marriage healer I know of is God. Look, I tried talking to another, older wife about this and was told that it was all my fault, as a person, as a wife that's a cruel blow. I had a moment when I want to give up on being a 'great' wife and just go for being a 'thorough' wife.
This weekend we had my Niece and her family stay with us. During the visit she had to make a trip to the Bay area and having never driven there, she was worried about getting lost. Her dad told her she had GPS and that if she did take a wrong turn, the GPS would say "recalculating.... recalculating" and soon new direction would be given.
I feel like somewhere on my way to become a Godly, loving wife I took a wrong turn. I don't know these roads, and my first instinct is to give up and turn around, but then I hear my GPS... God... whispering..."Recalculating....Recalculating."
All is not lost, he's going to get me where I need to go, we are 'recalculating', and trusting his next direction. I may take another wrong turn, but I can trust that if I keep following God's direction I will get where I need to go.
This scripture pierces me every time:
"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."